Monday, July 25, 2016

Oh whoa and how do you know If yr skin fits you? Sometimes it can feel stuck or too tight or too loose around the side and you can't find the tag to exchange for a different size and other ppl seem good with theirs and don't notice when ppl look at them or observe their skin i dont know how to be that way my skin bag is not fitting me right or maybe it's fine just don't look at me bc I feel stupid

Thursday, October 17, 2013

I am the poison

the poison that swallows you
the agony that springs from your thumbs
the maze of bodies inescapable
It's enough to make you drink yourself
your own fluids
pour a glass
take a deep breath in disgust
try not to wring your hands
or crack your knuckles
remember to be small
to hide inside yourself
watch for the rhino's horn
do not expect understanding
but maybe one day it will come
in waves
or even a sudden downpour
we may never know what the three hummingbirds
fought over
but one day
I will collect their
tiny feathers
and hold them in my hands

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


I am tired
of these things
beyond my control
so I will practice
until I have dead aim
with a rubber band
and folded piece of paper
so that I can
hit people
who talk loudly
on cellphones
on the bus
where no one
can escape them
I will take
this small victory
and put it
disproportionately high
on my list of achievements

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Moon

I cannot help but stare at the moon some nights
as if I had never seen it before
even though it is always floating in the sky
and riding my bike
when I smell manure
in the park
I cannot help but think
of the poop in my mouth


particularly in the early evening and late summer
sometimes july
can be heard singing late
into the night
to an empty window
or a wall
or a room
those soft

Monday, December 10, 2012


I will sell you my soul
but this will never move you

I am a thief
and self-centered

I cannot stop doing these things

Friday, August 24, 2012

Last night you asked
for simple and uncomposed poetry
for it to flow raw from my tongue
I thought of liquid heat
and skin
and contact
but couldn't
tie words together
I'd forgotten all my knots
from days of studying and practice
my thoughts were suddenly
very stubborn
like a fist full of dirt,
longing to be freed
but only small grains escaping
not enough to let words take root
and begin something new

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Return to myself

I am trying to return to myself
but in my way
stands a forest
of every tree I have ever climbed
or thought of climbing
and I regret now
that my dreams feel ever so small
wrapped tightly in eucalyptus leaves
and bound with a wisp
of dry wood smoke
warm-feeling like a memory

There is an organ
within my body
of soft sweet innocence
and with it
I have mourned the loss
of my childhood
I have longed to erase
the false truths I have told myself
I have tried to return to myself

The heavy mist of optimism
seems to have dissipated
but on days like today
there is just enough moisture in the air
to breathe deeply

Saturday, June 16, 2012

keeping calm

I want to go outside
and sing silky ribbons
of melody that float in
through your window
on a warm night

Things have never been quite
the same since
we stopped dunking our heads
in buckets of distraction
and empty, frivolous joy
opened our eyes
despite the fear

Sometimes I felt better
alone in dark quiet
but I know my foot is inches
from that stagnant infectious pool
threatening to fall in

And I am good
at keeping calm
in the most inappropriate of times

Thursday, April 19, 2012


Yesterday I listened
to the last recorded sounds
of a now-extinct bird
   first calling a mate
      then after a storm took her away
his lone call
and the space where her answer should have been
was so heavy
   O please, O please
   let me find her
   let me hear her voice
silence seemed to say
I've never perceived so much
from an empty moment
and I felt so much regret
for being a human
on this sad earth
that just never saw us coming

Monday, April 2, 2012

it's not so hard to smile
at a stranger
or a friend
to be infected briefly by joy
but they go on
and I feel a heavy
that weighs somber
and thick in silence
or cold darkness

Saturday, March 10, 2012

some days

some days
what is wrong with me
and wouldn't your mother be proud
and is it so hard to be mildly happy
or at least somewhat neutral feeling
the thought of being around friends
or acquaintances
really sounds undesirable
and I know I would not want to talk or smile
and because of that I would make a bad impression
or maybe hurt someone's feelings
and I feel like a child
the one who was called moody
and was such a bother
you think a simple answer
wouldn't be an ordeal
and it smells like fucking burning rubber in here
and yeah why not feed into everything bad I feel
I can't lay in bed anymore watching Futurama
and I can't even have a beer with this stupid medicine
seriously is something burning

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

when I was 5
and I would crawl under my bed
and breathe softly
into the dark
cramped dusty space
until I fell asleep
it was nice
everything confined to that space
and nothing existed
outside of it for a moment
I felt safe and happy
and undisturbed
until I awoke to my mother
calling my name
I saw the light switched on
her feet on the carpet
I would wait until
she turned and walked away
to crawl out into the world again

Saturday, February 11, 2012

My favorite word is no

no work tomorrow
no calculus ever
no sadness
no frustration
no running late
no being mean
no crying for no reason
no realizing you're out of shampoo when you're already in the shower
no regrets
no need for money
no dying
no falling to your knees in despair
no wrong size shoes too late to return
no dirty dishes
no forcing a smile
no hating strangers for no reason
no detached-feeling ache
no bad days
no bad days
no bad days
no bad days

Monday, January 23, 2012


hey i made a zine
send me your address if you want one

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Even if it's not about you, it is

I'm not sure
who I would be
if not for you
probably the same mess
you met last year
drunk and destructive
and pretending
to be just fine
I am so thankful
to feel better at all
and even though
I sometimes fall back
into shadows
you are always there
bringing light back
to my eyes
It is unusual
for me
to be able to have a conversation
so honest
maybe it was the dark
of the car
that provided cover
and our eyes forward to the road
no anxiety-inducing permanence
our momentum
not allowing
any second
to become more important
than the approaching one
and the comfort
I felt was strange
discussing my inherent
mistrust of people
and at the same time
noting its absence between us

Thursday, December 15, 2011

heavy head

My head and heart
feel heavy
and I feel sad
and scared
about the passage of time
and for a moment
I missed my mom very intensely
and I missed being a child very intensely
time gives me nightmares
vague nightmares
where something terrifying and
irreversible has happened
The feeling is the same as the one I get
when I am
for a moment
suddenly aware that there is a beginning
and an end
and I can only struggle to control
some part in the middle

Sunday, December 11, 2011


to sit and feel and
not imagine myself stared at
in judgement
to speak only in first person
using piano keys
or guitar strings
and feel it all
and show it all
to forget fear and
to remember all that I am
and once was
to know how special
and small I am
to not worry about
the loneliness that
inevitably comes to me
to be drunk
on laughter
and silly headed
like a child
on nothing but the
pure fact
of existence

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Fuse pronounced foo-say

words and names
get stuck in my head
and I repeat them
stop thinking
be a machine
linguistically minded machine
that can objectively describe
what I feel
and not be embarrassed
or panicked
or overwhelmed
in a way that makes me
feel like a speck of dust
on top of a fresh
pile of dog shit
that you just stepped in

Friday, October 21, 2011

You smell like piss

from the bus
I saw three
probably homeless people
sitting at a bus stop
for some reason
I had to keep
they looked calm
and I could practically smell
the piss
and for a moment
it made me feel soft
and sad
for how desperate we all are
just to be loved
every word and action
is fueled by longing
and the fear
of being unwanted and alone

poop filled

my favorite music
sounds like a night terror
only I don't realize it
until someone else
is around to hear it
to me
its like sunshine and
sugar crystals
filtering through tiny

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


I dont know who ever told you
I was cool
or that
there is such a thing
at times
I feel so pathetic
and I can't imagine
I will ever be okay
but when
I slowly fell off my bed
and we just stared
for an hour maybe
and couldn't stop smiling
I knew
everything was fine
I traveled to the future
and that moment
stood taller
than the rest
it was a giant

Cordyceps is fucking nuts

In the dark
smelling wet earth
sadness sprouting from my head
like parisitic fungus
so I dig
and go deeper into
the black
turning my back on the light
and try to smother this thing
that aches in my chest
and maybe collapse
into myself
and then I keep digging
even though
my fingers are bleeding
and why am I doing this
and there's dirt in
my eyes
my hair
my nose
I'm coughing
and sinking
but it's all for the hope
that when I emerge
I will be

Friday, July 29, 2011

maybe it's like this

I used to be a swimmer
charging my limbs
against the steady water
sometimes lifting my head
to gasp for air
each lungful
pumping regret
through my veins
I'm lying on my back
in an ocean
letting my body
rise and fall with
the sigh of each
crest and lull
and only occasionally
does my head go underwater