I am having a dream
where I am a balloon
on a string
in your hand

you keep letting go
but grabbing the string again
just before it escapes
and I float away forever

I find it a bit cruel
but also comforting
like being tickled
I hate it
but
all it means
is that I am inescapably close to you

smile

when people
see me on the street
and I'm walking alone
they probably think
I'm an angry or unhappy
or maybe mean-spirited person
and it's because
most of the time
smiling really does nothing for me
and contorting my face in that way
is only necessary
in social settings
something about
showing your teeth
and maybe squinting your eyes a little
indicates you are a nice person
and worthy of friendship
or other benevolent interactions

I keep feeling
like a different person
every few months now

I just want
to be a relic
a specimen
put in resin or under glass
and you will know I'm outdated
by all my dead ends and incompletes

and stillness and silence
will be just what is expected of me

I'll be perfect