nausea

high heels
make sounds
so as to turn heads

if you
feel satisfied
being the
peacock's feathers
it's fine

pretend I am not there

I wore your jacket
out in the rain today
and it held me
and kept me dry
I felt so close to you
but walking to the store
I felt shitty
I was probably just going
to steal
and you would shake your head
if you were here

I can't keep living
my life like this
alone in my head
pretending you are here
pretending to give all of myself
to my idea of you

so I go home and lay under
a mountain of blankets in my dark room
with the door closed
when I hear my roommates come home
I pretend I am not there
when I hear them speak my name
I pretend I am not there
and there have been times in the past
even though I cared so much for him
when I pretended it wasn't happening
that
I was not there

toward forward

we are all

looking toward something

in anticipation

we are all eager to leave this moment

for the next to come

our bus is two stops away

we want it here now

even old men

dig in their pockets

and crane their necks

itching for the next minute to be gone and done with

how unfortunate

again

it's that feeling

all we have

is this

three-dimensional

collection of tissues

with which to

share

the invisible

part

that is held somewhere

beneath

secret and hiding

insubstantial

but definitive

and for me it just seems so strange

I'm really not saying this right

let me try again

nevermind