pretend I am not there

I wore your jacket
out in the rain today
and it held me
and kept me dry
I felt so close to you
but walking to the store
I felt shitty
I was probably just going
to steal
and you would shake your head
if you were here

I can't keep living
my life like this
alone in my head
pretending you are here
pretending to give all of myself
to my idea of you

so I go home and lay under
a mountain of blankets in my dark room
with the door closed
when I hear my roommates come home
I pretend I am not there
when I hear them speak my name
I pretend I am not there
and there have been times in the past
even though I cared so much for him
when I pretended it wasn't happening
that
I was not there